My whole life revolves around the words “never good enough”. I remember not being able to sit in a group and do work with my friends during class time because they will send me to the ESL room. I hated that I was always sent there and I never wanted to go. FYI, English was my first language.
I didn’t have a choice because I wasn’t old enough to make my own decisions. To stall, I took many detours around the school before I even made it to the ESL room. If you ever need a tour of All Saints or St. Augustine Catholic High School, ask me. I know where to find the sugar cubes!
I remember I had to make up reasonable lies to tell my friends when they asked me where I went.
“I just went to pick up something for the teacher.”
“I saw so and so in the halls and we chatted for a bit.”
Those were just a couple of them.
I have been traveling for as long as I can remember. Thanks mom and dad! I instantly knew that I caught the travel bug, because for most people, travelling allowed us to discover new personality traits, new cultures, and we might even come to realize that we could never get used to squat toilets no matter how many times we had used it. Whatever it may be, travelling is a learning process and can be very therapeutic.
When I travel, the feelings of “never being good enough” seem to disappear. It wasn’t until I saw the question, “Why do you travel?” did I start to ask myself that. I can start by saying that it wasn’t an easy question to answer. I listed the reasons why I love to travel and realized that part of the reason was because it allowed me to escape the feelings of never being good enough. For me who constantly questions whether I’m good enough, travelling was a place for me to escape and avoid those feelings.
I genuinely love to travel. The feelings and excitement that comes with it couldn’t be explained. What I do know and understand is that sometimes there are deeper problems that travel can’t solve.
When someone asks me, “Why do you travel?” And I reply by saying, “Because it makes me feel good enough.”
That is when I realize that sometimes I learn the most about myself when I stay still.